Wikipedia:Peer review/Steve Javie/archive1

Steve Javie

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel it is fairly complete and would like additional reviewer critiques on improvements before it's nominated as a good article.

Thanks, RyguyMN (talk) 06:18, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article - while it is clear that a lot of work has been put into it, some more is needed to improve it further. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

• A model article is often useful for ideas on style, structure, refs, etc. I owuld look in the relevant Wikiprojects and see what GA or FA articles might be useful models.
• The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but the Tax evasion and Memorable game are not in the lead. Please see WP:LEAD
• The Memorable game section is very short - I would either combine it with another section or possibly expand it.
• Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase. I also think that when there are several sentences in a row with the same ref, it is fine to have just one ref at the end of the set of sentences (no need to have a footnote for each sentence unless one has a direct quote in it). See WP:CITE and WP:V
  • So Steve Javie was born on January 17, 1955 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania[1] to Stan and Stella Javie.[2] could be Steve Javie was born on January 17, 1955 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to Stan and Stella Javie.[1][2]
  • He is married to Mary-ellen, whom he met in 1990 at the Philadelphia International Airport, where she was employed.[2] The couple were married in August 1991.[2] Could be He is married to Mary-ellen, whom he met in 1990 at the Philadelphia International Airport, where she was employed. The couple were married in August 1991.[2]
  • Even better version of this He married Mary-ellen in August 1991; they met in 1990 at the Philadelphia International Airport, where she was employed.[2] Is her name really spelled "Mary-ellen" and not "Mary-Ellen"?
• Article could use a good copyedit to tighten the prose up and polish it.
• Any more commentary on him from sports writers? Some of the incidents he was involved in seem like the kind that would generate commentary that could be quoted / used here perhaps.
• Refs look good
• Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:55, 14 June 2008 (UTC)