Wikipedia:Peer review/Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)/archive2
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)[edit]
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i want to take it to FA soonest possible. This is hopefully the second PR the article will be getting. I promise i will do my best to better this article. I really want Beyonce to be one of the artist having the best articles on Wikipedia.
Thanks, Jivesh • Talk2Me 15:40, 3 March 2011 (UTC)
{{doing}} Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:44, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
Thank you so much. Do you still remember me? Jivesh • Talk2Me 11:41, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
Yes I do - good to see your work again, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:08, 22 March 2011 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: This looks pretty good - thanks for your work on it. I have made a few copyedits, and here are some suggestions for improvement.
- The external links checker in the tool box (upper right corner here) finds three dead links that need to be fixed.
Lead and infobox
- The infobox says there were three producers "Thaddis Harrell, Christopher Stewart, The-Dream" but the article only mentions two (Nash and Stewart). By the way I copyedited it from ...and utilized production from Nash and Stewart. to ...and was produced by Nash and Stewart. Later in the article only two producers are referred to, so is the infobox wrong?
- It also seems odd in the Infobox to refer to Nash by his given name as an author of the song, but as The-Dream in the producers.
- The article refers to Nash as "Terius Nash" in the lead, "Terius Nash" and "The-Dream" in the infobox, then in the body the article as "Terius "The-Dream" Nash", then "Terius Nash", then as "The-Dream" for the rest of the article. I would probably use "Terius "The-Dream" Nash" in the lead, then pick one name and stick to it (assume "The-Dream").
Conception and release
- Who wears a wedding ring before the wedding? In the months leading up to their secret wedding in April 2008,[6] and immediately afterwards, Knowles refused to wear her wedding ring because she wanted to hide their marriage from the public. Does she have both an engagement ring (worn before the wedding and after) and a wedding ring?
- Would it help to say Power 105.1 is in New York City?
- Broken quote or stray quotation mark that needs to be removed? Additionally, "Single Ladies was not originally lined up as a single in the United Kingdom.
Composition
- Is About.com a Reliable source?
- At WP:RSN it was decided that About.com is not reliable as a whole, but several individual authors' work are reliable. Adabow (talk · contribs) 05:29, 22 March 2011 (UTC)
- Run on sentence, probably needs to be split up. the song Knowles offers support to women having recently put a stop to a bad relationship,[43] and stands up strongly for women who are still single and putting men on notice how to treat them best,[44] as well as deliver them to "a destiny, to infinity and beyond..."[32] and, according to the Daily Mail, "urges women to dump their boyfriends if they don't propose".[45] FAC also has some editors that do not like verb+ing constructions, which this has too.
Critical reception
- The quote on the song's usage of "blurry pronouns" such as "it"... appears in two sections, and should probably only appear in one section
- There are a lot of quotations in this section I wonder if this meets WP:NFCC? Some people might call this a quote farm, though the quotes are nicely chosen. Not sure.
- Legacy seems an odd section header, but I am not sure what else to call it
- Retitled as "Accolades", and merged with "Awards and nominations" Adabow (talk · contribs) 05:29, 22 March 2011 (UTC)
- I know that Awards and nominations is done in chronological order, but would it make sense to rank it in importance of awards? The Grammy for Song of the Year seems pretty important to me, but is buried in the paragraph as it now stands.
- Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:08, 22 March 2011 (UTC)
General comments
- If someone is named in full once (Jake Nava) then they should be referred to by last name only the rest of the article unless there is someone else with the same name last name OR their name is used in a direct quote (or reference or caption).
- I noticed some overlinking as I went through. Does it really increase the reader's understanding to link New York City? Also the rule of thumb seems to be to link at most once in the lead and once in the body of the text (at first occurrence for each), plus links in the infobox and captions / references. For example in Synopsis Beyonce's mother Tina is linked twice in one section.
- I also tried to some light copyediting as I read (please revert me if I introduced any errors or made things worse) but think this would benefit from a copyedit before FAC to make sure as many issues are dealt with ahead of time as possible.
Commercial reception
- As an example of hwere a copyedit could help, I think things like these sentences could be tightened (and it is usually percent and not %): Its fourth week at the summit of the chart was facilitated by a 157% increase in downloads. The song sold 382,000 downloads that week, representing its best week of digital sales.[81] so tightening might be something like Its fourth week at number one was thanks to 382,000 downloads, a 157 percent increase, which represented its best week of digital sales.[81] Cuts out one extra "week" and one extra "downloads".
- Are the abbreviations necessary if they are not used again in the body of the text (just tables)? I am not sure (RIANZ, BPI, ARIA, etc.)
- The organisations are more known by their abbreviations. Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:01, 23 March 2011 (UTC)
Music video
- Since much of the video is compared to that for "If I were a Boy", could the phrase "both videos" (or something similar) be used sometimes? Both videos were shot in black and white.. The two videos premiered on MTV's TRL...
- Done
- File:Fosse single ladies.jpg should give URLs to the actual videos on YouTube that the images were taken from
- Done
- Should the date of the roboglove appearance on Saturday Night Live be given? Her appearance on SNL is mentioned three times - here and in Live performances and in parodies - does the SNL appearance need to be described thrice in this article?
Live performances
- This section seems a bit fluffy - do we need to know whatshe wore in Monaco? Is every live performance notable (worthy of incluson here)?
- POV language? (graciously?): By the end of the song, all of Radio City Music Hall was standing and Knowles thanked the crowd graciously.
Cultural impact
- Watch out for needless repetition. Surely the Prancing J-Settes of Jackson State only need to mentioned once in this article? W
- This whole section seemed a bit long to me - also not sure why some of the items were placed where they are. How is Tom Hanks liking the song a parody (and is that really worth including here)? Why is the Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipettes cover not in the Covers section? Why is the song being "parodied" for a Doner kebab commercial in the UK not in parodies? It might just be that I am tired, but it seemed to me that a lot of the detail here is not needed - why not just say the song has been used three times on Glee and move on - does it really help to know the football team used it in a trick play? I don't watch Glee, so this means nothing to me. If someone does watch Glee, I assume they remember this episode already. Maybe I am just bing cranky, but this section feels a little bloated.