Wikipedia:Peer review/Friday the 13th (franchise)/archive2

Friday the 13th (franchise)[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I'm trying to get this up to FA standards. It went through the FAC process in April 2009 and the main issues that were brought up were copy editing (mainly redundant wording, not being terse enough). It has since been copy edited twice by two different members of the League of Copy Editors. Right now, I'm looking for more independent eyes to bring up any questions, concerns, or other copy editing issues that they see. I'm too close to thep project to see any glaring issues.

Thanks, BIGNOLE (Contact me) 19:48, 26 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Kaguya-chan Very nicely written. Clearly a lot of hard work went into writing and researching this article. The impact section was also very interesting to read. I found very little grammatically wrong with the article; the majority of my comments have to do with spelling out two-digit numbers (such as twelve and thirteen) and capitalization (such as Editor-In-Chief--> editor-in-chief). Also adding alt text for the images would be nice. Kaguya-chan (talk) 20:48, 26 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"Under New Line Cinema, 13 novellas and various comic book series featuring Jason were published." Since twelve was spelled out earlier in the lead, I would go ahead and spell out thirteen too.

Overview

Would Wikilink Hell for better understanding
Earth 2? Is that a future Earth?

Development

"Haney decided that this final girl should have telekinetic powers, which led Producer Barbara Sachs to dub the film, Jason vs. Carrie." Is producer supposed to be capitalized?
"The film suffered from the loss of its biggest supporter, President of Production Michael De Luca, when he resigned from his position." Again, double-check capitalization.
"After more than 15 years of off-and-on development, and approximately $6 million spent in 18 unused scripts from more than a dozen screenwriters, New Line finally produced a Freddy and Jason crossover for 2003." Spell out numbers?
"Manfredini was inspired by the 1975 film Jaws, where the shark is not seen for the majority of the film, but the motif created by John Williams cued the audience as to when the shark was present during scenes when you could not see it" Little wary about the use of "you". Could change it to "Manfredini was inspired by the 1975 film Jaws, where the shark is not seen for the majority of the film, but the motif created by John Williams cued the audience as to when the shark was present during scenes and unseen"
"because he was busy with a Broadway production." Do you know which one?

Impact

Three senior editors, the Editor-In-Chief, and IGN′s Entertainment Editorial Manager judged the various film franchises." Check capitalization and you could wikilink directly to editor-in-chief instead of just editing.
"Friday the 13th became one of "the most influential franchises of the 1980s" and that its commercial success through 11 films, novelizations, comic books, and other collectables is proof of its legacy." Spell out eleven?

I had those numbers spelled out before but the copy editors changed it and said that, according to this MOS, anything above 9 should be in numerical form. So, I'm confused because I don't want to have to change it, again, only to turn around and have to do it ... again... in an FAC. I have wikilinked "Hell" and added "lands on the planet Earth 2". The whole thing takes place in the future, he lands on a new planet Earth. According to this website, if the title comes before their name then you're supposed to capitalize it. If there is another style that Wiki is following that negates this then I'll be glad to lowercase them all. Used your example for the music section regarding Jaws. The original source only states that he was working on broadway, it doesn't identify which production it was. Since his page doesn't even discuss his broadway work I cannot even make assumptions for your benefit. The rest of the issues are numbers and capitalizations...and that's stuff the league has done. BIGNOLE (Contact me) 21:46, 26 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Well, I guess spelling out the numbers is just a personal preference of mine, then. Don't worry about it. Ugh, so you do have to capitalize the titles before the name. I still think that "Editor-In-Chief" and "Entertainment Editorial Manager" in "Three senior editors, the Editor-In-Chief, and IGN′s Entertainment Editorial Manager judged the various film franchises" should be lowercased as they don't have names following it, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. Kaguya-chan (talk) 22:04, 26 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

That makes sense to me. I've lowercased them because there isn't any names attached to them. I guess it's the same as "President Obama" and "the president of the union". BIGNOLE (Contact me) 22:48, 26 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]