Talk:Death of Benito Mussolini/GA1

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 11:02, 18 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

but met with military failure. → who/why/what was he met by?

Could you clarify? I'm not sure I understand the query. "Met with failure" is a common idiom meaning "failed". Is there an WP:ENGVAR issue perhaps? DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

i mean why was he met with military failure. Did he just turn up and fail? It's just not very clearly. — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

On 25 April he fled Milan, where he had been based, → Should it be "fled back to" or "returned to" as he used to be based there?

No, he left Milan - he wasn't returning to it. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Ah sorry I was mistreating the sentence. I thought you mean he was fleeing back to where he was already based, which obviously doesn't make sense, but he is fleeing from Milan where he was based to Switzerland. My bad! — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

two days before Hitler's suicide. → As this is the first mention of Hitler, it should be Adolf Hitler

Done. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

At least twelve different individuals have, at different times, → repetition of 'different'

Changed second "different" to various. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Preceding events - Background

World War II should be linked

Done. DeCausa (talk)

on Lake Garda. → at Lake Garda (on implies physically on the lake)

Changed "on" to "near". DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Rome should be linked as it's the first mention

Done. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

CLNAI → This can be written in full and linked here, with the abbreviation in brackets after. The note can stay there, too.

Done. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Having read the bit about Milan in this section, it doesn't quite match up to the fleeing bit in the lead.

Not sure I understand. It matches as far as I can see. As explained above he didn't flee "back" to Milan.

I think it just links to what I just said above about it. Don't worry about it. — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Is there a reason for the fourth paragraph having a break mid sentence and continuing two lines down?

Yes, the two lines are a quote. Originally, I had quotation marks around the two lines to make it clear it was a quote but a user recently took them out, citing MOS:QUOTE. Indeed, having checked MOS:QUOTE, that does seem to be the MOS requirement - although I personally would prefer to have the quote marks. DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

But:

On the same day as Mussolini left Milan, the CNLAI issued a degree declaring the death penalty for

the members of the fascist government and those fascist leaders who are guilty of having suppressed constitutional guarantees, destroyed the people's freedoms, created the fascist regime, compromised and betrayed the country, bringing it to the current catastrophe.[10]

doesn't look right. That's not a quote is it? See what I mean? Should it be:

On the same day as Mussolini left Milan, the CNLAI issued a degree declaring the death penalty for the members of the fascist government and those fascist leaders who are guilty of having suppressed constitutional guarantees, destroyed the people's freedoms, created the fascist regime, compromised and betrayed the country, bringing it to the current catastrophe.[10]

? This doesn't work as a block quote because of the picture on the left hand side, it doesn't look indented because of the picture. That's why it looks like a broken up sentence. Either the picture has to be removed or go somewhere on the left, of the block quote can just be quoted in a normal sentence and not a block quote. To be honest, I wouldn't use a block quote unless it was several sentences long, that is what it is for. It's not for one line or one sentence. — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

But it is actually a quote - it's the wording of the decree verbatim. On my screen I don't have a pic on the left effecting the indent. I thought two and half lines was enough for a block quote but if it simplifies things I'll take it into the paragraph and put quotes around it. DeCausa (talk) 20:22, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Ah okay. It must be my screen width, because the picture is interring with the block quote, so it doesn't look indented because the quote is next to the picture. It might be worth putting it into a quote box perhaps? because others will have my problem. — ₳aron 20:31, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done DeCausa (talk) 09:32, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Background - Capture and arrest

Again, "Lazzaro later said that" just ends and it carries on two lines down

It's a quote - see above response about MOS:QUOTE DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

This instance, it should have a : after "said that", and the quote of the quote could be capitalised. — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done DeCausa (talk) 09:40, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

would be summarily shot → What do you mean by summarily?

"Summarily" means immediately, without formalities. See this DeCausa (talk) 16:38, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Then perhaps used "immediately". — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That wouldn't really cover it. It also means without due process. Would it help if I pipe linked it to our article on Summary execution? DeCausa (talk) 20:22, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah that's a good idea. — ₳aron 20:31, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done DeCausa (talk) 09:35, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Background - Order to execute

claimed that prior to Mussolini's capture he had given the order, by a radio message on 26 April 1945, with the words: → I think the comma is misplaced here, when you read it out loud, it sounds like it should be after 'capture'

I think grammatically it needs both commas, and actually a third one. The problem is there's too much in the sentence with two many sub-clauses. I've split it up and replaced it with "Palmiro Togliatti, the Secretary-General of the Communist Party, claimed that he had ordered Mussolini's execution prior to his capture. Togliatti said he had done so by a radio message on 26 April 1945 with the words:..." I think that's simpler and clearer. DeCausa (talk) 17:02, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

he said that he had done so in his capacity as deputy prime minister of the Bonomi government in Rome and as leader of the Communist Party. Ivanoe Bonomi, the prime minister, → Slightly repetitive. SHouldn't his full name be used first, then surname second instance?

Changed to "He also claimed that he had given the order as deputy prime minister of the government in Rome and as leader of the Communist Party. Ivanoe Bonomi, the prime minister, ..." DeCausa (talk) 17:13, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Execution

There should be citations at the end of each sentence, not just grouped together at the end. Also proposes concern of WP:OVERCITE

Done DeCausa (talk) 12:59, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Urbano Lazzaro later denied that such a tribunal had been convened and said → why does this just end?

Again, it's a quote. See above comments on MOS:QUOTE. DeCausa (talk) 17:15, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Put a : after "said" — ₳aron 18:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done DeCausa (talk) 09:38, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Subsequent events - Piazzale Loreto

Comma needed after 28 April

Done DeCausa (talk) 17:25, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The bodies of Mussolini, Petacci and the others → Their bodies

Done DeCausa (talk) 17:25, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

9:00 am → 9am or 09:00

Done DeCausa (talk) 17:25, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

After a while, the bodies of Mussolini, Petacci and others were → After a while, the bodies

Done DeCausa (talk) 17:25, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Subsequent events - Morgue and autopsy

2:00 pm → 2pm or 14:00

Done DeCausa (talk) 17:25, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Post-war controversy - Reception of Audisio's version

Audisio himself did not speak publicly about it, until he published → I don't think a comma is needed here

Removed. DeCausa (talk) 09:43, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Although his account most probably is built around the facts, it was certainly embellished. → An example of why citations need to be at the end of each sentence.

Done DeCausa (talk) 12:59, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

it was certainly embellished. The discrepancies and obvious embellishments → Repetition of 'embellish'

Changed "embellishments" to "exaggerations". DeCausa (talk) 10:42, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Post-war controversy - The "English hypothesis"

Shouldn't it be "the British hypothesis"? As you refer to Britain in this section, not England.

Changed to "British" DeCausa (talk) 10:42, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

and even that it was ordered → and that it may have even been ordered

Done DeCausa (talk) 10:42, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Link Churchill in his picture

Done DeCausa (talk) 10:42, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Outcome

Interesting article to read. I'm going to Switzerland in a few weeks and after reading this I'd like to visit the assassination place. On hold for 7 days. I have more than 2,300 articles in my watch list so ping me or leave a message on my talk in case I don't see responses here. — ₳aron 18:39, 18 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Passing. — ₳aron 10:52, 24 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.