Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Blue Dragon (video game)/Archive1

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Blue Dragon (video game)[edit]

I with the help of Prince of Darkness have done some major cleanup to the article and now I want to get this article to FA status adventually. First I want to knwo if the article meets B class so that I can promote it. Second comment on on refs. Wether there are enough and if they are in the form of Havard Citiations. Next carefully read over the character section, tell me some improvements that could be done and fix any grammatical and spelling errors throught the article(fix small errors). Then tell me what needs to be done before a GAN, thank you.Gears Of War 00:30, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments: This article has improved a lot since [1]. Anyways:
    • The lead section should contain at least three paragraphs summarising the whole article. Plot and reception need to be mentioned.
    • The development and reception sections are a little short. If you're able to find more content, make sure you add it.
    • Plot: Characters should be written in prose. I suggest using e.g. FF8#Characters as a model.
    • I haven't actually read the article, but when taking a quick glance, a realise it could use a good copy edit from an uninvolved editor. Other than that, I think the article is shaping up nicely and is not far away from B-class. The Prince (talk) 09:48, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Ashnard Comments
Lead
  • Grammar: "the Europe", "the North America". Obviously, "the" shouldn't be there.
  • I feel that you're best off reserving plot information in the lead for the second paragraph. Could do with an extra sentence to elaborate upon the style slightly, as evil kings are applicable to many RPGs.
  • "and wrote the scenario." I'm not even sure what this means exactly; may confuse non-gamers. Needs clarity.
  • "Blue Dragon is the first Xbox 360 title to last three disks long" A strange way of wording things; if it used three disks, then say that it used three disks.
  • "was the longest Xbox 360 game in history". Could do without "in history".
  • Make sure that it's copyeditied for better fluency: "the first four days of release in Japan, and becoming". It would read better without "and". A similiar situation for the following sentence.
  • The lead should explain the actual gameplay, as well as making a reference to the anime and manga.
Gameplay
  • The caption is way too elaborate, should be succinct, per WP: Caption.
  • You probably already know this, but the section needs references.
  • Avoid redundancies: "Blue Dragon is somewhat more traditional"
  • "and the feel of the game compliments it by being relatively lighthearted." Wrong on many levels as it seems like personal judgement, doesn't make sense, and reads clumsily. Read through to locate such statements.
  • "with each player character having a distinct shadow modeled after a creature". Needs clarity. What creatures? Paragraph needs to ensure that the average reader will know what's happening.
  • Verbose in places—you've dedicated two paragraphs to explaining what happens when the player contacts the enemy.
  • "Although combat in the game follows a strictly turn-based formula, it does make use of an initiative system, requiring careful planning in order to maximize the effectiveness of one's actions." Again, the only useful thing in this whole sentence is that the battle is turn-based. Everything else is either too vague or not explained ("initiative system").
  • "speed (agility)" Well, which one is it? No need in this.
  • "One gameplay addition" Not sure about this. Usually, such langauge is used when comparing a sequel to its predecessor, so what are you comparing here? If you are contrasting traditional RPG battle systems, then establish that link.
  • "This meter is always used for spell casting, as well as when using the "Charge Attack" skill of the "Monk" class." No need to go into specifics.
  • "Depending on the ability, this will result in more damage or a greater area of effect." Needs more clarity. Being turn-based, I'd thought that only one character is attacked at a time, so I'm left confused.
  • "Overall, deciding on the correct amount of charge (and letting go of the button at precisely that time) can greater influence the effectiveness of characters during combat." Watch out for your grammar.
  • The paragraph delves into unnecessary detail and use of specifics—once you've established the concept, it's needless to mention such things as "During that time, the player may be killed, and thus the ability will fail to trigger".
  • The last paragraph has quite rightly been tagged. Means nothing to people who haven't played the game.
Plot
  • "Character's" first sentence is too long. There's no clarification as to who "land Shark" is. You would be better off establishing the group's characteristics collectively rather than individually, given there's an article dedicated to that.
  • "Every two years for the past ten years, purple clouds have mysteriously appeared in the sky, signalling misfortune and disaster for people across the world." Modify your writing to establish an out-of-universe perspective. Read WP: WAF.
  • I'm not going to go too deeply into "plot", I'll just say that you should abstain from a rigid point-by-point format. At a glance the section assumes that the reader knows what it's talking about by introducing unexplained terms. Modify your paragraphing, as one is excessive, while the other paragraph are too bare.
Development
  • "The producers of the game also hit a snag" Watch out for informal phrasing.
  • Needs more refs.
  • "3rd party model" Should be written out in full.
  • "PLAY! A Video Game Symphony"£ The WP article doesn't use all caps, so this dfinitley shouldn't. Read Wikipedia#MoS:ALLCAPS.
Reception
  • "Many gamers in Japan purchased an Xbox 360 specifically to play the title;" Such claims need a source.
  • "exactly 200,000 to date" Needs "as of *date*" format Saying "to date" will mean something else in six months' time.
  • Merge stubby, single sentence paragraphs.
  • The article is strong regarding the commercial side, but very weak regarding the critical response.

The article needs refining, but the fundations are there for it to develop towards a higher status. Well done. Ashnard Talk Contribs 16:09, 28 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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