Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Harry Murray

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Harry Murray[edit]

I have recently re-built this article and was wondering if it was good enough for me to nominate it for GA. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 11:51, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Borg Sphere[edit]

Overall I think it looks good and probably could pass GAN. Just a few comments:

  • The lead could use some more citations.
  •  Fixed
  • The section on the Gallipoli Campaign might be better to have at the start See also: Gallipoli Campaign.
  • Later in the same section, this sentence has some big grammatical error. "He was wounded again on 8 August when the machine-gun section of the 4th Brigade the withdrawal after the attack on Hill 971."
  •  Fixed
  • In the Western Front section, you misspelled seized.
  •  Fixed
  • "Despite rarely attending Anzac Day services of functions for Victoria Cross recipients, he and his wife travelled to London in 1956 to commemorate the centenary of the Victoria Cross" I think you mean or there, instead of of?
  •  Fixed

Other than those, it looks good, and I wish you luck with GAN. Borg Sphere (talk) 17:24, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for having a look mate, I appreciate it. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:07, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Woody[edit]

Looking good, I have a particular interest in VC related articles. A few comments:

MOS stuff
  • Check for WP:DASH, I note you need an endash in the first sentence.
I'm not sure where you are indictaing it should be placed, but I am guessing you mean the part about the VC?
You need ndashes everywhere: inbetween dates especially so [[1 December]] [[1880]]–[[7 January]] [[1966]]) You need those in the infobox as well... See WP:DASH for more information. Woody (talk) 09:35, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  •  Fixed
  • Check for dates, some dates aren't linked, particularly in the Gallipolli section. By the way, it is no longer a requirement to have dates linked: either have them all linked or not at all. Oh, and it shouldn't be 4th July, simply 4 July
  •  Fixed
  • Times should be in 24 hour clock to remove any confusion.
  •  Fixed
  • You need publishers on the web references. Given that you use the cite-web template, move them from the title of the ref into the publisher parameter.
  •  Fixed
Prose stuff
  • "...returned to Australian" He changed nationality? ;)
  •  Fixed
  • "...who had elected, under the education schemes, to study agricultural methods through a tour of the farming districts of Britain and Denmark.
  •  Fixed
  • I would try an split up the Western Front section as it is very long. Perhaps a separate one for the VC, or split it into dates (Western Front April to June, Western Front June to September) etc.
  •  Fixed Split into Western Front June 1916 to April 1917 and Western Front April 1917 to Reparation March 1920

So, it is looking good. I would suggest going for ACR/FAC once you get a good copyeditor to give it the once over. Regards. Woody (talk) 14:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for having a look mate, I appreciate it. Could you suggest a good copyeditor? Thanks, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 07:07, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Take a look at WP:MHL#COPYEDIT. Woody (talk) 09:35, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 10:50, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Blnguyen has now completed a copyedit of the article. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 08:54, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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