Wikipedia:Peer review/The Old Wagon/archive1

The Old Wagon

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope it can become a good article

Thanks, NoD'ohnuts (talk) 13:32, 25 September 2010 (UTC)NoD'ohnuts

• Comments added by Panyd^{The muffin is not subtle} 15:32, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

Just wanted to start off by saying that you've referenced this really well, and there's a lot of really good material here to work with. I'm sure with a bit of work (and possibly some expansion) this could be a good article.

• On a general note, I would move production down below themes, and move themes into the plot section. Then simply have a cultural references section. But that's just general maintenance. You should also probably go through this with AWB just to catch any spelling errors.

• Split the first sentence into two sentences. It's too long at the moment.

• The second sentence doesn't make grammatical sense. Split the second sentence into two sentences with some more explanation for those not familiar with the universe.

• Take out the part about the episode's themes in the second paragraph. Possibly make a third paragraph for them if you think that they need to be in the lead. Concentrate on who wrote/directed the episode. You might also want to put in some details about the producer and production company.

• The last sentence of the second paragraph needs to be cleared up. "the highest rated sictom (sic) of the week and for the series" - does that mean it was the highest rated episode of the series? This needs to be made clearer.

• The sentences in the plot section need to be shortened and more specific. The best example of this is the second sentence It could also do with a semi-colon in the middle if you don't wish to split it.

• The production section should be changed to be in the past tense. There's no need to mention what programs come after it or before it. These details aren't relevant to the article's subject.

• You might consider re-writing the cultural references section to say something along the lines of: The Very Hungry Caterpillar is mentioned by character X, in this context etc. etc.

Small note Here is another review that you might want to incorporate. —Justin (koavf)❤T☮C☺M☯ 08:50, 30 September 2010 (UTC)