Wikipedia:Peer review/Sitting Bull/archive1

Sitting Bull

I've listed this article for peer review because I've done some substantial editing and adding of information from the standard sources on Sitting Bull (Utley's biography, a few other military sources). I was hoping to get some feedback on the progress so far, how to go about editing the sections on the Little Bighorn and Fame, and whether anything needs to be cleaned up. I also was curious about some feedback on whether the source list was too long, too short, etc. Thanks so much, poroubalous (talk) 18:49, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR _t 02:39, 11 December 2007 (UTC)

Comments by BillDeanCarter

Here's a short review from me. In the lede:

• killed by police on the Standing Rock Indian Reservation during an attempt to arrest him. - you should tack on the reason he was arrested.
• During a struggle between his followers and police, he was killed by the police. - instead of .. "he was killed by the police" which sounds repetitious explain in more detail his gruesome death in which several officers did this and that.
• His body was taken to nearby Fort Yates for burial, but in 1953, his remains possibly were exhumed and reburied near Mobridge, South Dakota. Why the possibly? Incorporate the explanation into the sentence.
• As a youth, Slow excelled at foot races, games, and was an expert horseback rider and was very accurate with bow and arrow.[3] What kind of games? Monopoly, paintball, ...?
• For this, Slow earned a white eagle feather, symbol of a first coup, and also received the name of his father. His father changed his name to Jumping Bull, and henceforth Slow would be known as Tatanka-Iyotanka, or Sitting Bull.[5] It was also at this ceremony that Sitting Bull received his shield. Add some extra description about the tradition of taking your father's name after a triumphant battle, just like you explain other traditions very well in the following paragraphs. I would also explain the receiving of the shield.
• The Early adulthood section is stubby. Maybe elaborate on the two sentence paragraph?
• However, Sitting Bull also knew techniques of healing and carried medical herbs, though he was not a medicine man. Is it medical herbs or medicinal herbs? I myself am not sure. Maybe you know?
• Briefly explain the reason for The Dakota War of 1862. You tackle the warrior life well, but there's a lack of historical context given and the reader will want to know. Was it all to stop some general campaign by the U.S.? What were the times Sitting Bull lived in?
• In 1863, Hunkpapa warriors (probably including Sitting Bull) joined with Dakota refugee warriors to fight against the military. However, Col. Henry Sibley defeated them at the Battle of Dead Buffalo Lake on July 26 and at the Battle of Stony Lake on July 28.[16] Sitting Bull also possibly took part among other Hunkpapa warriors in the Battle of Whitestone Hill, on September 3. Explain the reasoning behind "probably including Sitting Bull" and "possibly took part". Maybe historians which think so, and a statement from them? A quote from an author of a respected book on the subject. Or the evidence contrary or supportive. It's just when facts are dubious you want to know why.
• The last two paragraphs of the Fame section are unreferenced.
• Excellent Legacy section.

Hope this helps.-BillDeanCarter (talk) 21:05, 15 December 2007 (UTC)

• Thanks a bunch, I'm going to work it over with all your suggestions -- again, very helpful! poroubalous (talk) 06:06, 16 December 2007 (UTC)