Wikipedia:Peer review/Milla Jovovich/archive1

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Milla Jovovich[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because over the past few months, I've slowly expanded and worked on the article. Its a decent length now, and because I've been so involved in writing it, I feel like I might have missed either grammatical errors, or am just too involved to see my own mistakes. I would like to bring the article to GA status and eventually FA, and with the review I aim to make the GA review go a bit more smoothly, fixing some of the points brought up here before an official review.


Thanks,

Lindsey8417 (talk) 03:39, 30 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Seegoon[edit]

I'll just pick things up as I read through.

  • "which has gone onto spawn two sequels" - maybe "onto" should be split.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "released the critically-acclaimed musical album" - released "a", maybe?
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "for an illegal operation with medical insurance" - this is a little ambiguous, and I don't quite understand what is meant.
 Done I clarified a bit, adding that he partook in an illegal [...], but other than that, the sources are vague on what exactly he did. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 7th grade, Jovovich left school to focus on her growing career." - for one, I'd change "7th" to "seventh". More than that, I'd change it to whatever age that places her at when she did so, because the international readership for this article might not know how old that would make her.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As a teenager before age 14" - so, only when she was 13? I'm confused.
 Done Fixed. Changed to "young teenager". -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In "Modelling career", mentioning her age more often would help the reader contextualise when events take place.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "romance thriller" - maybe "romantic thriller" or "romance-thriller"?
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Following roles on the television series Paradise (1988) and Parker Lewis Can't Lose (1990), Jovovich was cast as the lead in the sequel to The Blue Lagoon. Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), placed her opposite Brian Krause, as Lilli Hargrave, in the romance and adventure film." - this is the clumsiest section of prose so far in the piece.
 Done Fixed. Rewrote this little section! -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "much like Shields' gained" - I don't think the apostrophe is required.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jovovich said she "worked like hell: no band practice, no clubs, no pot, nothing" to acquire the role and impress Besson" - this is probably quoted from one of your citations, but I'm unsure which one.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "cut her hair to a short lenghth for the role" - speeling.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The role of Fangora or "Fanny", in Dummy, brought Jovovich with Oscar-winning friend Adrien Brody." - this is confusing.
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to which Jovovich attempted to stop the sell of" - 'sale of', surely? And re: the courtcase, what happened?
 Done Fixed. And I haven't found any information on what happened in the courtcase, so, thats pending. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Plastic Has Memory played about a dozen shows in Los Angeles and New York City for a potential Virgin Records album release,[56] in which Mick Jagger had also attended." - is this supposed to say "in which"? It confuses me.
 Done Fixed. Changed to "one of which..." -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • How about mentioning that she plays a song during Dazed and Confused? It might be one of her own, but I'm not sure. I only vaguely remember that.
 Done This was already stated in the Dazed and Confused part of the acting section and had occurred before the album. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The two met while working on Resident Evil in which Anderson wrote and directed, and Jovovich starred" - is the "in" necessary?
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Trailer for a Remake of Gore Vidal's Caligula" - is the capital R necessary?
 Done Fixed. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

If you want any further reaction, say so on my talk page... all in all, it's a good article and I hope you take it to where you want it to go! Good luck. Seegoon (talk) 18:57, 3 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for the review, the help was really appreciated. -Lindsey8417 (talk) 02:21, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. Hope it does well. I reckon it'll multipass GA. See what I did there? Seegoon (talk) 13:56, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
haha, thanks! -Leeloo8417 ummm Lindsey8417 (talk) 20:33, 4 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:44, 5 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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