Wikipedia:Peer review/Michael Schumacher/archive3

Michael Schumacher

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This looks to be in good shape but I'm hopeful we can give this the push to FA status. Buc (talk) 17:35, 26 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments from NapHit (talk · contribs)

• "He is the first German to win the Formula One World championship[3]" generally refs should come after punctuation, so I would suggest putting a comma before this ref
• "with them from 2000-2004" en dash should be used between 2000-2004
• "Schumacher is the first and only Formula One driver to have an entire season of podium finishes (2002)" try and incorporate the 2002 into the sentence instead of having it in parentheses
• "Schumacher was born in Hürth Hermülheim," either remove the red link here or create the article
• "When Schumacher was four, his father modified the young boy's pedal kart by adding a small motorcycle engine." change "young boy's" to "his"
• "After the young Schumacher" remove young its redundant
• "his parents took him to the local karting track at Kerpen-Horrem where he became the youngest member of the karting club." needs citing
• "In Germany the regulations required the driver to be at least 14 years old in order to obtain a kart license." the past tense suggests that this used to be the rule, maybe it still is the rule, in which case the past tense needs removing, it also needs citing
• wikilink Luxembourg
• "He joined Eurokart dealer Adolf Neubert in 1985." this has no significance if its on its own it needs expanding, what was the significance of him joining Neubert?
• A lot of sentence start with In, I'd try and change this to make it read better
• "In the latter part of his Formula One career, and as one of the senior drivers, Schumacher was the president of the Grand Prix Drivers' Association.[20]" add this sentence to the previous paragraph, as it shouldn't exist as a one sentence paragraph
• "Schumacher made his Formula One début with the Jordan-Ford team at the 1991 Belgian Grand Prix as a replacement for the imprisoned Bertrand Gachot." needs referencing
• "He impressed the paddock by qualifying seventh in this race, his first competition in a Formula One car." I' wikilink paddock, and and competition needs changing as its grammatically incorrect
• "His best finish was fifth in his second race, the Italian Grand Prix, in which he outpaced his team-mate and three-time World Champion Nelson Piquet." needs citing
• "1991 season" "1992 Formula One season" be consistent personally I'd drop Formula One as it clears that is the Formual he participated in
• "At the start of the 1992 Formula One season the Sauber team, planning their Formula One début with Mercedes backing for the following year, invoked a clause in Schumacher's contract which stated that if Mercedes entered Formula One, Schumacher would drive for them." cite
• "Peter Sauber commenting" "commenting" is not correct it should be changed to something like this; "Peter Sauber stated"
• "The year was dominated by the Williams of Nigel Mansell and Riccardo Patrese, featuring powerful Renault engines" this is the first mention of Williams so wikilink it
• "At the test session in preparation for the 1992 German Grand Prix, Schumacher was grabbed by the throat by Ayrton Senna." expand on this why did Senna grab his throat
• "In the 'conventional' Benetton B192 Schumacher took his place on the podium for the first time" what does conventional mean? Also "his place on the podium for the first time" needs changing "his place" suggests it was his by right
• "He finished third in the Drivers' Championship in 1992 with 53 points, three points behind runner-up Patrese." cite
• "Schumacher won one race, the Portuguese Grand Prix where he beat Prost, and had nine podium finishes, but retired in seven of the other 15 races. He finished the season in fourth, with 52 points." again needs citing
• "The season, however, was marred by the deaths of Ayrton Senna and Roland Ratzenberger during the third race of the year, the San Marino Grand Prix at Imola and by allegations of cheating." citation again
• "These incidents helped Damon Hill close the points gap." points gap sounds wrong to me change to "Damon Hill was able to reduce the deficit between himself and Schumacher as a result of these incidents"
• "n 1995 Schumacher successfully defended his title with Benetton. He now had the same Renault engine as Williams. He accumulated 33 more points than second-placed Damon Hill. With team-mate Johnny Herbert, he took Benetton to its first Constructors' Championship and became the youngest two-time world champion in Formula One history.

The season was marred by several collisions with Hill, in particular an overtaking manoeuvre by Hill took them both out of the British Grand Prix near the start of the race. Schumacher won nine of the 17 races, and finished on the podium 11 times. Only once did he qualify worse than fourth; at the 1995 Belgian Grand Prix, he qualified 16th, but went on to win the race. After Schumacher left Benetton, the team would win only one more race before being bought by Renault in 2000." these should be merged into one paragraph and need citations

• "For 1996, Schumacher joined Ferrari, a team which had last won the Drivers' Championship with Jody Scheckter in 1979 and which had not won the Constructors' Cup since 1983 with drivers Rene Arnoux and Patrick Tambay at the wheel." A few issues with this sentence, remove at the whell, it's not encyclopaedic, also Shouldn't Constructor's Cup be Constructor's Championship?
• "He left Benetton a year before his contract with them expired; he later cited the team's damaging actions" what were the team's damaging actions?
• "This highlighted Schumacher's enticement to build a more experienced and potentially championship-winning team around him." definitely needs citing
• "Ferrari had previously come close to the championship in 1982 and 1990." another poor sentence which is not up encyclopaedic standards revise it
• "The team had suffered a disastrous downturn in the early 1990s, partially as their famous V12 engine was no longer competitive against the smaller, lighter and more fuel efficient V10s of their competitors." needs citing
• "Schumacher declared the Ferrari 412T good enough to win the championship." This needs expanding why did he think this and cite it
• In the 1996-99 period there is stacking of images which is not allowed according to Wikipedia guidelines, either remove an image or move it to the left
• "During the initial part of the 1996 season, the car had had reliability trouble and Schumacher did not finish 6 of the 16 races." cite it and change the last bit to "Schumacher failed to finish in six of the 16 races"
• "He took his first win for Ferrari at the Spanish Grand Prix" change to "His first victory for Ferrari was at the Spanish Grand Prix"
• "using an uncharacteristically flamboyant oversteering" remove flamboyant its too POV for my liking
• "Following that, at Monza, Schumacher scored a momentous win in front of the tifosi." momentous is too POV, and this needs citing
• "Schumacher's ability, combined with the improving reliability of Ferrari, enabled him to end the season, putting up a challenge to eventual race and championship winner Damon Hill at Suzuka." cite this, and consider changing Suzuka to Japanese Grand Prix, as those not familiar with F1 might not know what or where Suzuka is
• "During the race, held at Jerez, Schumacher and Villeneuve collided as Villeneuve passed his rival." a confusing sentence I'd change it to make it less confusing
• There is one reference in the 1998 paragraph, there needs to be more, as there is a lot of challengeable material there
• "After his second pit-stop, however, Schumacher came out ahead of Häkkinen and went on to win the race and the championship." cite this
• "He finished the championship with 123 points, 58 ahead of runner-up Coulthard." cite again
• "Ferrari won 15 out of 17 races, and Schumacher won the title with six races remaining in the season. Schumacher broke his own record, shared with Nigel Mansell, of nine race wins in a season, by winning eleven times and finishing every race on the podium. He finished with 144 points, a record-breaking 67 points ahead of the runner-up, his teammate Rubens Barrichello. This pair finished 9 of the 17 races in the first two places." all of those sentences need citing
• "By finishing the race in eighth place, Schumacher took one point and assured his sixth World Drivers' title, ending the season two points ahead of Räikkönen." cite this
• "He finished the season in third with 62 points, less than half the points of world champion Alonso." needs citing
• "2006 became the last season of Schumacher's racing career" this should be "was" instead of "became"
• "The Japanese Grand Prix was led by Schumacher with only 16 laps to go, when, for the first time since the 2000 French Grand Prix, Schumacher's car suffered engine failure. Alonso won the race, which gave him a 10 point championship lead. With only one race left in the season, Schumacher could only win the championship if he won the season finale and Alonso scored no points." reference this
• "In recognition of his contribution to Formula One racing the Nürburgring has renamed turns 8 and 9 (the Audi and Shell Kurves) as the Schumacher S" has is redundant
• The honours section should be one paragraph instead of three small paragraph's
• The 2007 advisor section needs more references, one is not sufficient.
• "Hill pitted immediately and retired from the race with unrepairable damage." cite
• "Stowe Corner" is in italics so why not "Dry Sac Corner"?
• "The family has two dogs - one stray that Corinna fell in love with in Brazil," use em dash instead of standard dash

That's all good luck with the article NapHit (talk) 19:16, 28 March 2008 (UTC)