Wikipedia:Peer review/Cratendune/archive1

Cratendune

This peer review discussion has been closed.
The search for Cratendune continues though evidence that any one site is the lost village remains sparse. An archaeology dig in Ely, Cambridgeshire during 1999 gained media attention as a possible site, which has subsequently been thought of as unlikely. If this interests you, please do review the article for at least an improvement from start-class but hopefully as a GAN candidate

Thanks, Senra (Talk) 16:03, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: The subject is interesting, but but at 430 words, the article does not yet seem to give comprehensive coverage. Various questions come to mind: when did archaeological investigations commence, who conducted them, what recent investigations have taken place? You say that the search for Cratendune continues; where are these searches being carried out, and what recent reports have been issued? Etc.

• Why is the "Geography" section presented in this way rather than in prose? What is the reader supposed to deduce from this unexplained chart?
• What is the relevance of the "Ploughmen" image to this article?

• agree  Done I was struggling to find a useful Anglo-Saxon image from a poor choice such as MS, jewellery, swords. I think I have found a more relevant image --Senra (Talk) 19:07, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

• Prose: the first sentence of the lead is too long, and awkwardly phrased. There are poor constructions through the article; here are a few examples:-
  • "Traditions of Ely compiled in the history..." Say what history you are referring to.

• agreed  Done --Senra (Talk) 16:13, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

• • "a shifted site": - did the ground move? Or do you mean a "!different" site?

• agreed  Done --Senra (Talk) 16:13, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

• • "The church at Cratendune was also thought to have been founded by King Ethelbert..." What is "also" doing here? There have been no previous mentions either of the church, or of Ethelbert. The sentence continues: "and was abandoned, perhaps destroyed, before Penda of Mercia." Do you mean "by the army of..."? What is the context of Penda's involvement?

• agreed  Done --Senra (Talk) 16:13, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

• • "...though as the West Fen site was still active in the 13th century and there are no signs of early Anglo-Saxon settlements on the site makes West Fen Road an unlikely Cratendune location." Not grammatical

• agreed  Done --Senra (Talk) 08:57, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

• • "During World War II, during construction..." Repetitive.

• agreed  Done --Senra (Talk) 16:13, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

• References: Why does ref 14 go to Fairweather 2005, when the statement it supports is "Under the war-time conditions, little archaeological work could be undertaken. It was subsequently reported by Fowler (1948)." Why isn't this cited to Fowler (1948)? And what, exactly, was reported by Fowler?

This is a reasonable start, but a fair amount of work is necessary before the article is a credible GA candidate. Brianboulton (talk) 18:19, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

I very much appreciate the review and comments. I will work through the above over the next few days --Senra (Talk) 18:34, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

Fixing lead last --Senra (Talk) 16:13, 4 October 2010 (UTC)