Wikipedia:Peer review/Britney Spears/archive2

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Britney Spears[edit]

Wikipedia:Peer review/Britney Spears/archive1 - May 2006

Search Britney on Yahoo and this article will be listed number 6, number 3 on Google. Does it matter? Well considering she's the most searched subject on Yahoo.com [1] it matters since I believe her article it's probably one of the most visited on the site. It's a shame it still can't get to FA status. It was reviewed back in May but it's hard for me to relate that information to the newer article so I'm requesting a new review. Lots of things have been changed and added, and lots of things are going on with the subject. If anyone could please help out and give some ideas and tips on further improvement I'd greatly appreciate it since I would really like to dedicate alot of time in hopes of bringing it to FA. Myrockstar 00:46, 8 February 2007 (UTC) Britney is 99 years old[reply]

  • The overall impression I get is an overwhelming amount of detail, but I suppose that is inevitable. Personally I'd have preferred an abridged article that focused on key events. (Have you considered summary style?) Then again others will no doubt find the minutia fascinating. There's a couple of paragraphs in the first quarter of the article that are excessive in length. You may want to slice those up once or twice for easier reading. Otherwise the article seems decent to me. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 23:53, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I'll try my best to trim those paragraphs. Myrockstar 06:41, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

LuciferMorgan[edit]

As I find issues to address in the article, I'll post them here. Hope my comments can be of help. LuciferMorgan 05:29, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

:"This whole new behavior of her resulted in the closure of one of Britney's major fan sites, presumably depicting their disappointement with her unreasonable and controversial behavior in public."

This sentence is problematic, as it is uncited. While uncited it can be deemed speculation. The sentence should either be ditched, or reworked with appropriate citation. LuciferMorgan 05:18, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

:"Their whirlwind romance sparked criticism due to the fact that Federline had very recently been in a relationship with actress Shar Jackson, who was still pregnant with their second child."

This sentence is likely correct, but doesn't elaborate on its claims. Evidence (appropriately cited) of such criticism should be provided as proof - otherwise someone could accuse it of being speculation. Perhaps newspapers criticised it, or other "inside sources", or others in Hollywood? LuciferMorgan 05:22, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Well couldn't find anything on writing, so for now I added the fact that she was pregnant while Kevin was with Britney. Myrockstar 23:33, 10 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

:"In September of the same year, she performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, and in addition to criticism for being scantily clad, she angered animal rights organization PETA for the use of animals, including an albino python, in her performance."

Suffers from the same problem. Evidence of the criticism for being scantily clad should be forthcoming for the same reasons. Also, the PETA part should be cited, perhaps from a statement they issued. What did PETA do? Did they lobby her performances? Or anything else as such? More digging is needed. LuciferMorgan 05:25, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

:"The remix album spawned the international and U.S. Hot Dance Airplay hit single, "And Then We Kiss."

Hit single? Is this a fact, or reasoned by an editor? To tackle this, you'd have to rework the sentence. What chart positions did it have in the various US charts, and the other notable international charts? Such info would provide evidence backing up the statement. LuciferMorgan 05:29, 9 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

:Referencing style needs consistency. All citations need the dates they were last accessed. Consider using one of the cite templates usually used on Wikipedia.

How can I find out the dates all those references missing dates were accessed? Or does it even matter, could I just write in I accessed them all today? Myrockstar 00:00, 11 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Access the web reference - if it still works, write it in as being last accessed that day. LuciferMorgan 01:29, 11 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Phew, okay I believe I am done with that, I hope it's correct. Luckily all the links still work. Thank you very much for that input. Any other suggestions? Myrockstar 00:49, 12 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In the three-minute video, previously released as a bonus on the Britney and Kevin: Chaotic DVD, Spears seems very disoriented and confused and claims that she is "missing out on life" and that she is generally behind everyone else. Federline tells her it is because of all the partying, to which she strongly disagrees. Spears then begins to try and legitimately convince him that the concept of time travel as portrayed in the Back to the Future series is real."
The above is all a viewer's interpretation, and can be deemed original research by some. I'd suggest finding citations. Be aware of using adjectives also, which can be deemed POV. LuciferMorgan 00:12, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::"At the Grammy Awards, held in February 2000, Spears received two nominations, including one for Best New Artist. Which she lost out to Christina Aguilera."

The second sentence isn't even fully formulated. LuciferMorgan 00:13, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::"After the show ended, Spears went back home in Kentwood, Louisiana and enter to school at the time, She has a problem in her normal life."

Hmm? I find the end of the sentence extremely confusing. Can you rework that bit within the article please? LuciferMorgan 00:15, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::"The photo shoot triggered widespread speculation (denied by her representatives) that the still-seventeen-year-old had had breast implants."

Speculation? From whom? Evidence her reps denied she had implants? All this needs cites. LuciferMorgan 00:18, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"During a performance at the 2000 MTV Video Music Awards, she ripped off a black suit to reveal a provocative nude-colored and crystal-adorned outfit that generated controversy due to her young age."
Cite is needed to prove the above was due to her young age - it could've been just due to the way she was dressed. LuciferMorgan 00:21, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Can't find anything on that. Myrockstar 06:01, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::"Immediately after her marriage to Federline, she had told People, "I want to be a young mom. Next year, at 23, I'm so there."

All direct quotes need a cite. LuciferMorgan 00:22, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::"The next month, Spears' four-year relationship with Justin Timberlake ended. The break-up was publicized, with rumors circulating that Spears had been unfaithful."

Rumours? From the papers? Inside sources? Lifestyle mags? The fact it was rumoured needs a cite. Wikipedia's policy is "controversial material of any kind that is unsourced or poorly sourced must be removed immediately, especially if potentially libelous." It's probably true it was rumoured, but best to cover the bases. LuciferMorgan 09:31, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
It seems his song and video for Cry Me a River fueled all those rumors. I re-worded accordingly. Myrockstar 08:26, 19 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

::".., and the lead single "I'm a Slave 4 U" was the album's only hit in the U.S."

I'm curious as to how the article arrives to this conclusion. Could it be reworded? Perhaps it was the album's only Billboard top 10, or top 20, top 30 single? LuciferMorgan 09:38, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
it charted at 27 with no other single from the album surpassing it, I just deleted that, it's unnecessary info. People can check out her discography for detailed info. Myrockstar 08:26, 19 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

AnonEMouse[edit]

Uses lots of unexplained technical music industry terms

  • Cite eighth best-selling.
  • English and England link to same place, only need one.
  • "a few years later" - give a specific date, such as when she signed with Jive.
  • Don't need to link American again, same section.
  • debut album - stick in "also titled"
  • add "the" before "USA" - Where? Myrockstar 14:16, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link or explain what 14x Platinum means
  • [10]. - remove period after cite
  • "At the 2000 Grammy Awards Spears received two nominations, including one for Best New Artist which she lost out to Christina Aguilera. The other was for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "...Baby One More Time" but she lost that to Sarah McLachlan." - clumsy, rewrite
  • "radio station adds" - is this a typo? If not, link or explain what an "add" is.
  • "number one single in other countries." - specify countries and cite
  • "adult-40 brand of country-crossover infusion" - Aaaargh! I think I understood the word "of" in that phrase, but I'm not even sure if that means what I think it means. :-(
  • "Spears kicked off her first world tour, the Oops!... I Did It Again World Tour, in the summer of 2000, and co-wrote the book Britney Spears's Heart-to-Heart with her mother, Lynne which was a bestseller." - rewrite, unless these two things are strongly linked. Needs a comma after Lynne anyway.
    • Hey, don't get rid of the book entirely, if it was a bestseller, that's important. In fact, it's probably important anyway, it's not like everyone writes published books. --AnonEMouse (squeak) 16:31, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Grammy Awards, several places - link to individual article for each year, we have them all
  • Spears's - no need 's - debateable Myrockstar 02:45, 4 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
    • Heh. No, I don't mean that eternal argument; I was brought up on Strunk and White too. Let me be more specific. Here: "between Spears's and Pepsi." it is not debateable. :-) --AnonEMouse (squeak) 03:02, 4 March 2007 (UTC) Ahh, thanks for being more specific Myrockstar 14:07, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • MTV Video Music Awards - link
  • SoundScan - link and/or explain
  • co-wroting - spell
  • "She lost X award to person Y", many places - is it really important whom she lost to? Unless there was a specific connection between the two, linking to the article on the award ceremony should cover it. Otherwise it seems more like name-dropping than useful info.
  • "had her first starring role in the film, Crossroads." - rewrite, or just leave out entirely here, you seem to have a whole section on acting career below. "The next month" implies that the breakup had something to do with the film - if it did, say so, if not, leave out the implication.
  • "she had cheated on him through his song" - huh? How's that? Needs rewriting.
  • "That same year Forbes named her the most powerful celebrity in the world.[18]" - aieee! First, no 1-sentence paragraphs, please. Second, what does "powerful" mean in that context? "popular" or even "richest" I could understand, but the article doesn't write about how she used "power" as such - did she get movies written, other celebrities hired and fired, laws passed, wars started, presidents toppled, what?* "Spears returned to the spotlight" - did she ever leave? Specify.
  • What did she do with Missy Elliott?
  • "In the Zone is generally considered Spears's most overtly sexual album to date" - and that's it? How? Why? You can't drop a bombshell like that then go on blithely. Also 1 citation doesn't cut it for "generally considered"
  • " The following thirty-seven stops on the tour were canceled" - huh? What tour? Did this sentence get left over from some other paragraph?
  • "Later, an annulment was promptly arranged (at the behest of manager Larry Rudolph and her family)" - sorry, was over 18 or even 21, her family can't make legal decisions for her. Rephrase.
    • After rewrite, long and redundant. "Britney started the year by marrying her childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander on January 3, 2004 in Las Vegas, Nevada.[37] Later, an annulment was promptly arranged and was granted on January 5, ending their fifty-five hour marriage." How about: "Spears married childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander on January 3, 2004 in Las Vegas, Nevada.[37] The marriage lasted fifty-five hours, ending with an annulment granted on January 5." Shorter, conveys the same information, though still dramatic, refers to her by last name, which implies less intimacy. --AnonEMouse (squeak) 16:31, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who was still pregnant" - either strike or explain "still".
  • "(legally October 6, 2004)" - needs explanation. Was the first not legal? Why?
  • featured three new songs, including "My Prerogative" and "Do Somethin'" - why list 2 of the 3?
  • "Chaotic was panned by most critics" - whole paragraph uncited, but this phrase especially needs citation
  • "spent forty-eight hours under a doctor's surveillance" - "Two days later, Spears and her son were released from the hospital." - irrelevant trivia. Going to a doctor is no big deal, similarly exactly how long she spent to deliver isn't important unless it's truly unusual or had a non-standard effect on her life.
  • announced her second pregnancy - 1-sentence paragraph.
  • "Spears posed nude for the August 2006 cover" - specify. Presumably non-explicit photo? Was she visibly pregnant?
  • "saying, "I can't wait to do that again." Spears also plans to get back in shape after the birth of her second child, saying, "After this baby, I'm going to get really intense with it." - again not too important, stop after "not ready to retire from performing", that covers it.
  • rep - spell out word
  • shaved [37] - move citation to end of sentence
  • Personal setbacks - compress the section unless you can explain what is going on more, otherwise the day-by-day stayed/left/stayed/left is trivia
  • $12million USD - WP:$
  • Cite Razzie award reception, Wikipedia is not sufficient.
  • "cameo appearances on" - in
  • "Club Scene" - link, explain, or leave out. Is it that important?
  • "twice as host and musical guest" - you mean as both, then later a third time merely as guest? Specify, and/or move third sentence to second position.
  • "In 2002, she was ranked as the most powerful celebrity in the world by Forbes." - repetition, see note above. This may be better here than there.
  • "was ranked number 20 out of the 200" - needs citation and date isn't this an annual thing? Say for what year.
  • "topped FHM" - needs citation
  • Italicize Forbes
  • "she also has became" - Rephrase and capitalize first word of sentence
  • "The following singles" - why italics? - That seems to be the standard Myrockstar 14:07, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Music Samples - I question the fair use here. We're not really commenting on the specific music in each case, we're just writing about the singer.
  • "She has also had seven DVDs including her 2005 reality series Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, a doll, a video game," - the doll is a DVD? If not remove "including"
  • Cite $ figures.

--AnonEMouse (squeak) 17:50, 2 March 2007 (UTC) Side comment - I won't make a federal case out of it, but you shouldn't be striking my comments, just responding below. Often people write "done" or something. At least that's how it's done at WP:FAC, see what it says there about "If you feel that the matter has been addressed, say so rather than striking out the reviewer's text." --AnonEMouse (squeak) 16:31, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Will do, thanks for the tip.Myrockstar 02:33, 6 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
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