Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jim Umbricht/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 10:01, 17 June 2013 (UTC) [1].[reply]

Jim Umbricht[edit]

Nominator(s): Secret ^account 21:24, 1 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because... been working on this article for the past year or so, probably the most comprehensive on the net. Reviewed by several top sports contributors. Tragic sports figure. Secret ^account 21:24, 1 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Query.

are you sure he was 6 foot 4?

~~"becoming the captain of both his senior year." should that be "becoming the captain of both in his senior year." or "becoming the captain of both for his senior year."~~ Ϣere SpielChequers 00:27, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Baseball Reference has him as 6 foot 4, and that's the source that is used for all baseball biographies, fixed the second concern. Secret ^account 20:55, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the fix. The article mentions his height once, citing it to an obit that doesn't give his height (though it does support the nickname). Then there's an offline reference that I haven't checked, and then the third reference, the one I linked to in my query, which gives his height as 6 foot 5. Baseball Reference is used elsewhere in the article, but at present not for the height. I only spot checked those two facts, have no opinion as to what the overall balance of sources say. But currently when you click on the references after reading his height, the first height you come is different to the one in the article. Not a big difference, but the thing about inline citations is that you expect them to tie up with the parts of the article that they support. Ϣere SpielChequers 23:58, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: I peer-reviewed this article in early December, but reading through I noticed a large number of issues which were raised at that PR and which have not been fixed or addressed. Given that there are some fairly big prose issues apparent in the first few paragraphs, I suspect this article is not quite ready yet. I also notice that the nominator has only made 4 edits to the article this year, which does not suggest a last push to get it FA-ready. Here are some initial points, and for the rest, please refer to the PR. Sarastro1 (talk) 11:36, 6 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"He was best known for his year-long battle with malignant melanoma.": This does not seem necessary in the lead, particularly as this "battle" is detailed in the third paragraph of the lead.
"Nicknamed "Big Jim" owing to his height of 6-foot 4-inches,[1] Umbricht was born in Chicago but grew up in Georgia.": What is the connection between his nickname and where he was born. If there is none, these phrases should not be linked like this.
"Umbircht" used three times in the second paragraph, when "he" could be used for variety, but not at the start of the third paragraph, when "his" is used. A paragraph should always begin with a name rather than a pronoun.
"He pitched the entire 1963 season": How do you pitch a season? I'm aware that this is standard baseball speak, but surely a FA should use more formal language?
"Umbricht's health deteriorated soon afterwards and he died six months later": As I asked at the PR, later than what? No date is given for his death to be compared to.
"Early career": As mentioned at PR, this section is stats-heavy, and seems just to be a regurgitated list of numbers and results. Which makes for hard reading.
"Umbricht left the game in position for the win": From the PR, "Although I understand what this means, I'm not sure it is the best phrasing".

Reading on, there are quite a few unresolved points which were neither replied to nor addressed at the PR. Which rather defeats the purpose of having one, and so I am stopping here for now. Sarastro1 (talk) 11:36, 6 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

To comment, I'm willing to give this a review as well, but since Sarastro has opposed, I'll defer to his judgment; address the PR concerns first before tackling FAC. Wizardman 15:15, 12 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – I don't know if any work has been done on the article yet, but just in case here are some thoughts from me:

Repetition from one sentence to another in "the future home of the Colt .45s. The Colt .45s...". Try to avoid this by changing one of the sentences.
Early career: "He was named to the first-team All-SEC". For better ordering and avoidance of an abbreviation, try "He was named to the All-Southeastern Conference first-team".
"The Pirates assigned Umbricht to its Triple-A affiliate". "its" → "their"? Kind of hard to have a singular item like this match with a plural team nickname.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Don't need to repeat the Pirates link with another at the end of the previous section.
Last sentence of the section's third paragraph needs a cite.
Athens Banner-Herald should be italicized in ref 3. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:33, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Graham Colm (talk) 11:33, 16 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.