User talk:Oblitz1
Clevas1 Clevas 1 Peer Review
• Great intro, a little work on transitioning (bullet 3)
• Trans* should be changed to transgender- more formal in my opinion
• Maybe talk about kyle in the first paragraph to allow introduction for the audience (you kind of jump into an example after you introduce the topic you are discussing)
• “These athletes are scared to come out as trans* because of the strict rules and regulations” [Should add- according to…. And list rules]
• Great tone… No slang
• Experience* should be experienced in last sentence (past tense)
• Very neutral, Kyle is a good example for audience to engage in
• Expand the introduction paragraph (Balance) – if Kyle is the main focus, maybe the page should focus on Kyle Allums
o Title – Kyle Allums (you can give info on his birth name, who he was before basketball, his transition, and then…. o Subtitle – Kyle alums experience in college basketball (give info from your second paragraph adding his hardships and overall studies about life as a transgender athlete in college.