User talk:Gallaz63

Welcome![edit]

Hello, Gallaz63, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:09, 13 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hello![edit]

This is Kensu saying hello to complete task #2.--Kensu.bates (talk) 18:27, 17 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Gallaz![edit]

Just testing out the talk feature! Hope you have an awesome weekend :) Olivia.bakken (talk) 22:36, 17 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Notes[edit]

Hi! I have some notes for you. Some of these I changed while I was reviewing since they were relatively quick edits to make.

Avoid putting too many links in the external links section. The links there should be kept to a minimum and should generally only be things like official associations and the like. Ones that are storefronts only should be avoided, as this can come across like Wikipedia is promoting a specific business. The only time they should be listed is if they're overwhelmingly notable shops that are universally known as being more than just a simple storefront. However in those cases the stores should typically merit their own articles, where the links would be placed. An example of what the external links section should look like would be something like the article for baseball bats or yo-yos. You only added 1-2 links here and most were already there, but I wanted to explain why I whittled down the list a little.

In the history section you write that it is said to be a variant of bilboquet, but then state that the origins aren't known - I think that it would be better to lead with the origins being unknown, since leading with the French variant makes it seem like you're contradicting yourself. Also, keep in mind that you don't completely have to re-word something - you can keep sentences intact and build upon them. I didn't know if you were aware of that or not. It's not that your version is bad, just that parts of the original version were a bit more succinct.

It would be good to mention when the balero started appearing in Mexico, if this is meant to signify that it could be a possible origin of the item. I've tweaked this along with the general origins section to be a bit more streamlined.

The evolution section seems to be more about different models than showing the evolution of the kendama's design per se. It may be a good idea to rename this subsection to just "designs" or something along those lines. I think that this is good information to have in the article and otherwise fits into the history section since it does discuss the models in a historical aspect, it's just the subsection title that needs tweaking. I've renamed it to models, but feel free to tweak this name if something better comes to mind.

Avoid hotlinking to outside websites in the article.

Be extremely careful of tone. The contemporary culture section is written to be very pro Kendama USA, so this needs to be heavily edited for neutrality. Be cautious of terms like "succeeds" and talking about successes, as this is a term often used in marketing. You want to make sure that this isn't unintentionally promotional.

The rules should go back to having its own section. For this I would limit this to the general, basic rules and then make a note that some competitions have different rules.

The competitions section in general has too much data that would be seen as indiscriminate per Wikipedia's purposes, as the site is meant to have just a basic overview as opposed to more in-depth information when it comes to articles about general topics like this. If this was an article specifically on competitions or on the competition itself, that would be different - however with the article for the toy in general it's just too much detail to have each competition's rules and the rounds in this much detail. I'd limit each competition to about a paragraph overview and per the last point, have the basic rules in another section with a note that some competitions score differently, with perhaps some major notable examples.

There are a lot of primary and self-published sources here - make sure that these are the strongest possible sources and that they're reliable, particularly in the case of the self-published sources since not all of them are seen as reliable as far as Wikipedia is concerned.

I hope this all helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:57, 13 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I made some changes. Can you please help me remove the template under my "competitions" section?Gallaz63 (talk) 03:29, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I could help with that. Which article? TK421bsod | talk | my contributions 03:31, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gallaz63/Kendama. Thank you!Gallaz63 (talk) 03:35, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Gallaz63 No problem. For future reference, in case you want to add a template to an article, templates show up in wikitext as text surrounded by two pairs of curly brackets. For example, the template in the "competitions" section showed up in wikitext as {{ad|date=December 2019}}. TK421bsod | talk | my contributions 03:46, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]