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The Deterioration and Deterrents in Ending Relationships[edit]
The quality of the relationship is determined through various factors. The level of quality a relationship reaches is equated in the outcome and success of a lasting relationship. Many factors, however, reduce the quality and increase the deterioration of a relationship. Even in a low quality relationship, there are still many deterrents that ensure its continuation.
Relationships[edit]
Relationships vary from intimate, physically intimate, close, and personal; heterosexual or homosexual. Acquaintances, friendships, partners, to lovers, a relationship can take many forms.[1] Ranging from commitment to the relationship to the alternatives a person has, there are many reasons relationships succeed or fail. As social creatures, humans are drawn to these relationships. It is in our nature to be social.
With a romantic relationship comes physical intimacy. It is interesting that according to a study by Pamela C Regan of California State University, people believed that if you do not have a sexual desire with a partner, you do not have passionate love.[2] Specifically, young adults associate being in love with sexual desire. Sexual activity is a development stage within a relationship and the later in the relationship, the more acceptable to sexual activity becomes. As a development state in the relationship, it plays a factor in the quality of the relationship and decreases the likelihood of deterioration.
Deterioration[edit]
Perfectionism is setting the standards for oneself or others so high they are unrealistic. The deterioration of relationships has been researched to oftentimes begin with one or both of the partners wanting a perfect relationship, partner, or self. This has been found to correlate with serious issues including depression. This intrapersonal outcome has interpersonal consequences. This leads to problems within the relationship, reducing its quality.[3]
The ability of a couple to positively cope due to external or internal stressors heavily affects the likelihood of deterioration or lack thereof. Personalities of the individuals affect the experience of the relationship, the perception the individuals have of each other, and how a couple may handle different situations and life events.
Couples within relationships also find it difficult to express their emotions. Author of Protecting Your Personal Relationships, McCleary, phrases it as, "As with any other refuge when it comes to our personal relationships. After many years of such habits, we are unable to feel, listen, or speak subjectively when appropriate."[4] In order to hold onto an intimate relationship, couples must subject themselves to clearly expressing feelings, values, and wants. The deterioration of a relationship can form through a lack of communication or failure to communicate effectively.
Deterrents[edit]
Deterrents of leaving a relationship encompass aspects such as unattractive alternatives, children and family, and religious morals. Personal need, dependence, and commitment are just a few of the reasons people stay in relationships. These are due to companionship and intimacy features of relationships. Commitment seems to be the biggest factor in why couples stay together. Lawrence A. Kurdek, Wright State University, looked at many research studies and models of different theorists and researchers. He found there are many ways to define and conceptualize commitment within the relationship model. He specifically looked at four different models:[5]
First Model (Stanley and Markman 1992): There are two factors to this commitment: personal dedication and constraint commitment. Simply put, personal dedication is internal justification and constraint commitment is external justification for being in the relationship.
Second Model (Johnson, Caughlin, and Huston 1999): There are three pieces/experiences to commitment: personal (want), structural (external pressures), and moral (obligation) commitment.
Third Model (Adams and Jones 1997): This model is based on marriage and has three components: commitment to spouse, commitment to marriage, and entrapment.
Fourth Model (Rusbult, Martz, and Agnew 1998): Level of satisfaction, quality of alternatives, and investment size.
These models add another important measuring tool to the outcome of a relationship and that is relationship satisfaction. According to Kurdek, the best model presented above is the fourth model by Rusbult, Martz, and Agnew because it accounts for the variables within commitment. Both the quality of the relationship and the satisfaction that results from the two individuals are critical determinants of the ending of a relationship.
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- ^ Philip Blumstein and Peter Kollock (1988). "Personal Relationships". Annual Review of Sociology Vol. 14 (1988), pp. 467-490.
- ^ Regan, Pamela C. (2000). "The role of sexual desire and sexual activity in dating relationships". Social Behavior and Personality, Vol 28(1), 2000. pp. 51-59.
- ^ Michelle Haring, Paul L. Hewitt and Gordon L. Flett (2003). "Perfectionism, Coping, and Quality of Intimate Relationships". Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 65, No. 1 (Feb., 2003), pp. 143-158.
- ^ McCleary, Standish (2001). "PROTECTING Your Personal Relationships". American Bar Association Vol. 18, No. 5, Bumps in the Road (JULY/AUGUST 2001), pp. 65-67.
- ^ Kurdek, Lawrence A. (2006). "The nature and correlates of deterrents to leaving a relationship". Personal Relationships, Vol 13(4), Dec, 2006. pp. 521-535.