User:A.bmx.kid/Humor

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous.
Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Welcome To My EPIC Userpage[edit]

This user may be a bit eccentric, but is definitely not demented.

Jokes[edit]

Joke 1

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? - Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Joke 2

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

Joke 3

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

Joke 4

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Joke 5

“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

Joke 6

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.

I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Joke 7

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

Joke 8

Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…

What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

Joke 9

I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com. • My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in. • My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu.

Joke 10

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the loser's testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”

My Friends[edit]

Mr Pear(pictured on the right)