Talk:William Harrison Anderson/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Kusma (talk · contribs) 15:24, 22 January 2022 (UTC)
Will review this over the next couple of days. —Kusma (talk) 15:24, 22 January 2022 (UTC)
Progress and general comments[edit]
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Interesting life, well written at first glance. I know little about Adventists and less about their mission in Africa, but it's always fun to learn :)
Images: Check out [1]. They have a few images that were apparently published in 1919 in On the Trail of Livingstone, which should make them PD and could serve to illustrate the article better. Also, that article seems pretty well developed.
- Thanks for finding that source. I wrote this article in 2020 and can only assume this has been written since then as I don't remember finding it. It looks to be reliable, both authors are published writers (one has a PHD in the history of Christianity also) and the encyclopaedia is edited by David Trim. I'll go through and see if there's anything I can add to our article and check the status of the images - Dumelow (talk) 19:36, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
Grammar: I'd add a lot more commas, but then, I am German, and I love commas, which leads, sometimes, to me overusing them. In any case further copyediting would help. Some suggestions are below.
Content and prose review[edit]
Lead section:
Second Matabele War and malaria outbreak
was the outbreak connected to the war or just a malaria outbreak?
- Separate, tried to clarify
- perhaps tell us (for the benefit of younger readers) that Rhodesia is now Zimbabwe?
- Mentioned this and Zambia.
Infobox:
- mention that his first wife died? (in 1908?)
- Done
responsibilities stretching from Cape Town to Lake Chad
sure, but responsibilities for what?
- Merged with previous sentence to clarify
Early life:
- Were his parents also Adventists? Could they have moved to New Waverly, Indiana?
- Apparently not, he converted and was baptised in 1889, now added. Sure it will have been New Waverly, Indiana, now linked.
Before leaving the United States Anderson married Nora Haysmer
add a comma. Did she leave with him?
- Yes, the Encylopedia clarifies this. New info added
He there founded the Solusi Mission
single handedly?
- Good point, replaced with helped to found
- Link malaria?
- Sure
Rusangu mission:
- I am confused by the location. Monze is in Zambia, was this also part of Rhodesia back then?
- The early colonial history is quite complicated with numerous different names for colonies under British South Africa Company and governemnt control (see Rhodesia_(region)#History). I;ve tried to keep it simple by referring to and linking Rhodesia (region). I use northern Rhodesia (not capitalised to distinguish it from Northern Rhodesia, established 1911) and southern Rhodesia (again Southern Rhodesia, capitalised, wasn't created until 1901 or 1923 depending on what you use). The modern states are Zambia and Zimbabwe respectively.
agreed to acquire it from the local tribal leader
who did he agree this with? his superiors?
- Bit more detail from the Encyclopedia, he was directed there by a colonial official and the land was granted by Chief Monze of the Tonga. Now included
a priest
do we know anything about him? name/denomination/nationality?
- Alas the source is silent on this
- Too many sentences starting with "Anderson" or "Anderson's".
- Trimmed a bunch out
grade school, high school and university catering for 4,000 student
. slightly closely paraphrased Also, it is kind of annoying that there is no link to Rusangu University here. I know that it is a few lines up, but that link looks like it is about the mission, not about the university.
- Rephrased a little and linked
Anderson married again ... to Mary
got married? rephrase
- Think it's fairly common to use as a verb without, but added got
Later career:
- Bechuanaland: please also mention modern name
- named and link Botswana
On the Trail of Livingstone
would prefer something like "On the Trail of Livingstone, referring to David Livingstone", so this makes sense also without following the link. Can you give bibliographic data for the book? If it is autobiographic, it would be interesting to use it at least for some quotes. If the book was as influential as you say, it should get a slightly more in-depth treatment.
- Couldn't find a copy before but I've just bought an ex-library copy for a few quid. It'll arrive in a few days and I'll add anything relevant (bearing WP:ABOUTSELF in mind)
- Seems Clarence Hively was the name of the daughter's husband, actually (Clarence is a male name) unreliable source for a Clarence Oscar Hively. She was called Naomi? In any case "Mrs Clarence Hinely" would be closer to the source and less wrong.
- Yep the Encyclopedia clarified this. Switched to just Naomi.
covered from Cape Town to Lake Chad
"covered the area from" or "ranged from".
- Switched to "a region running from Cape Town to Lake Chad"
@User:Dumelow: I think that's all I have. Check the images, expand a few things here and there, and do another round of copyediting, and the article should be fine. —Kusma (talk) 22:42, 22 January 2022 (UTC)
- Thanks so much Kusma. I've added a fair bit of text based on the Encyclopedia of Seventh-Day Adventists so you may want to check that. I've got a copy of Anderson's book on order which may have additional info and pictures. If you like I am happy for you to assess as-is or to wait for me to expand further (if I am able to), whichever you prefer - Dumelow (talk) 12:14, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
- @Dumelow, much better. I have fixed a few typos (please double check that this is what you intended to say). New images are correctly tagged PD. As to "married"; sure, you could say "he married Mary" but you can't say "he married to Mary"...
- The "Later career" section now includes a bit of "legacy" that should acknowledged by changing the section title (or moved elsewhere). The final two sentences would work better in the penultimate paragraph instead of where they are now?
- Added "and legacy". Agreed and moved those sentences
- I'd probably put a "Works" section with full citation for the book.
- I don't really like a works section that will only ever be one entry. I've added a further reading section with one other book about the man for now
- Something's wrong on Wikidata: the Worldcat link in the AC template is broken. Fix the link or remove the template?
- I have little idea what goes on with Wikidata. I've deleted its erroneous World Cat listing but it still appears. I've just deleted it for now.
- Infobox doesn't have all the information about the first wife now.
- Added using the templates for this purpose
- If you do another pass through, considering whether, perhaps, to add some commas, or to remove some of mine, I guess it will be fine. —Kusma (talk) 15:21, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
- @Dumelow, much better. I have fixed a few typos (please double check that this is what you intended to say). New images are correctly tagged PD. As to "married"; sure, you could say "he married Mary" but you can't say "he married to Mary"...
- Thanks so much Kusma. I've added a fair bit of text based on the Encyclopedia of Seventh-Day Adventists so you may want to check that. I've got a copy of Anderson's book on order which may have additional info and pictures. If you like I am happy for you to assess as-is or to wait for me to expand further (if I am able to), whichever you prefer - Dumelow (talk) 12:14, 24 January 2022 (UTC)