Talk:Mary E. Peabody

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	This article was accepted from this draft on 5 July 2021 by reviewer Innisfree987 (talk · contribs).

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Comments[edit]

Hello everyone! I just finished your peer review :) Eb5406a (talk) 14:20, 8 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Hayes.maddy, Chloe McKeown, and Belleevans! Great start here! I agree with lots of the wonderful insights your reviewers made. Some comments:

In the lead, could you maybe rephrase from "the St Augustine Fla sit in" tell us that it was a sit in in St. Augustine FL for x purpose. If there is a page for the sit-in, then link to it, too. "Peabody's role in the protest was simple" to the end of the lead should be revised so that there is less story telling and more encyclopedia tone.
You do want to tone this down toward a fact- driven encyclopedic tone from a more descriptive and conversational tone (not a problem everywhere just in some spots)
in personal life section, your sentence structure is too complicated -- the simpler the better. She was born in back bay "born in a back bay home" again is more storytelling or historian vibe than encyclopedia. I know, it's less exciting, but it's simple. When you talk about the daughter, just go ahead and tell us the daughter's accomplishments. No need for transition phrases or sentences. This section also needs citations.
in "career" tone isn't an issue
advocacy section does need attention there.
news should just be "St Augustine Sit In" and "legacy" should be "death"
great job with all of the hyperlinks so far
looks like the images weren't creative commons/free

--Liliput000 (talk) 01:56, 12 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]