Talk:Mansoor Ijaz/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 20:31, 6 November 2014 (UTC)

I'll take this review and will mainly focus on copyediting issues. I'll leave some initial comments within 48 hours as I'm busy at the moment. ☠ Jaguar ☠ 20:31, 6 November 2014 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

   B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. Has an appropriate reference section:

   B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Initial comments

Lead

• "He was for some time a media analyst focusing on Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan and the role" - perhaps an Oxford Comma will improve the prose in this sentence
• As per most BLP articles, it is frequent that the leads of these articles should elaborate on more early life info (the second paragraph jumps straight into the 1990s)
• The second paragraph could be expanded a little and split into a third paragraph to increase readability
• The lead could summarise the article better as per WP:LEAD (remember that the lead should form as a 'mini-article')

 Done I think that now summarizes the whole of the article well, if not let me know and I'll keep at it.

Personal life

• "and grew up on a farm in rural Virginia" - this is linked to Floyd County, Virginia, so this sentence should read "grew up on a farm in Floyd County, Virginia"
• "is a solar physicist who worked with UNIDO" - should be explained as "United Nations Industrial Development Organization" for unfamiliar readers

 Done

Professional life

• "including the London Financial Times" - I'm sure that the Financial Times isn't just in London!
• "during the 1990s when President Clinton" - link Bill Clinton

 Done I think the original intent was to convey that Ijaz' contributions to the FT were in London, so I reworded appropriately. Clinton is already linked in the lede.

References

• Ref 65 requires membership and is not accessable
• Other than that the other references seem reliable (for this topic anyway), the citations are in the correct places so this meets the GA crieria

 Question: I went over WP:GACR and I don't see an exclusion for behind-paywall citations. Is that a problem, do I have to find another one?

My mistake, I went through the toolserver and it was flagged up so I assumed I should have mentioned it. No problem there. ☠ Jaguar ☠ 14:05, 11 November 2014 (UTC)

@Jaguar: Responses above, just the one question with the citation. Thank you! §FreeRangeFrog^croak 03:51, 11 November 2014 (UTC)

On hold

There is some room for improvement here. The most pressing concern here is the lead section which could be expanded to summarise the article better can also there could be enough information there to squeeze into three paragraphs. Everything else could easily be addressed as this does seem to be a well written article, albeit with a few questions! I'll put this on hold for the standard seven days and once there are improvements made we'll see if this meets the GA criteria. Regards ☠ Jaguar ☠ 20:47, 9 November 2014 (UTC)

Close - promoted

Thank you for addressing those concerns - I think that this article is now ready to meet the GA criteria. The references all check out (as mentioned above) and the prose has definitely improved, as well as the lead section. To make a long story short, this looks like a solid GA now. Well done! ☠ Jaguar ☠ 14:09, 11 November 2014 (UTC)