Draft:Albert in Blunderland

Albert in Blunderland is a 1950 cartoon created by John Sutherland. It warns against the fallacy of the "greater good" and central planning.

Plot

Albert is a mechanic at work in a garage. He is listening to a radio broadcast where the commentator denounces America as a greedy society and how wrong it is that the only motivation for people to work is the expectation of personal profit. The radio program recommends that Americans create a common good society, such as one seen in ant colonies. Albert looks down at the floor and sees ants marching in a line carrying various items and wonders if that could achieve a great society. He says "Oh boy, to be an ant", while negligently swinging his wrench, causing a chain reaction where he hits the hood of the car he was working on, which slams down on his head and renders him unconscious. When Albert comes to, he is now the same size as the ants. One ant, who seems to be a well-dressed intellectual, befriends Albert and offers to show him their society of "Antrolia". Albert follows the ant line to a place of tall buildings, where he is impressed. The ant guide escorts Albert to a building guarded by two hulking ants wearing hoods, who are the military and secret police of Antrolia. The guide tells Albert these ants enforce the dictates of the planning board.

The building is called the Labor Bureau, where unemployed ants come to become employed. Albert is told to use a "job classifier", a device which strongly resembles a pinball machine and claims to match one's skills to the ideal job. Albert pulls the plunger, where the ball is unable to go into (or quickly ejected from) holes marked "Baseball Player", "Bathing Beauty Judge", or "Movie Star", and a magnet pulls the ball into a large hole marked "State Labor". Albert protests that he has worked his entire life as an auto mechanic; presenting his union card as proof. This is torn up by one of the hulking ants, who says there is but one union in Antrolia, "the state union". As Albert and the guide leave, one of the ant soldiers says to another "Tail them".

Outdoors, Albert tells the guide he is unsure about having his career decided by government, but the guide says one must give up some freedom for the greater good. The guide takes Albert to a cinema, where movies are free. Albert hopes to see something with Hedy Lamarr or Ingrid Bergman, but the only film playing is The March of Ants, a propaganda piece extolling the central planning of Antrolia, showing how transportation is regulated and no one pays a fare (a bunch of ants packed into a crowded trolley while others hang on the side), how the media presents news (all stories are censored and the newscaster has nothing to say) and boasting of Antrolia's production record (a few Victrolas are in a shop window while a long line of ants present their ration cards). The film ends by saying their illustrious planning board which makes all decisions for all ants has been reelected to their 50th consecutive term (five ants dressed like mythical wizards who base their five-year plans around astrological mumbo-jumbo). The propaganda film ends where everyone is the theatre is asleep save for Albert, who awakens the guide. The guide applauds and immediately heaps praise on the movie, but Albert wonders how that could be if he was snoozing. The guide says that if any film is produced by the planning board it automatically becomes good work. The guide says it will be time to go to work.

As Albert follows the guide to work, he asks if the guide voted for the planning board, to which the guide answers in the affirmative "to show my appreciation for their brilliant planning". Albert wonders if the guide ever personally disagrees with them, and the guide admits that there are times he has questions. A pair of lurking eyes looking from a boarded-up window sees this, and then wallops the guide on the head. Albert shouts that he will have the assailant arrested, but the guide tells Albert the beating was for his own good. Albert follows the guide to a factory, saying this will be their place of employment.

Albert sees unhappy ants working as a team on an assembly line, but when he notices music is broadcast over a P.A. system, he thinks it won't be so bad. Albert and the guide are put to work at opposite ends of a machine, where the guide feeds raw materials into the machine and Albert has to take the finished product and put it on the assembly line. The machine has a counter which reads "state quota", which is what they must produce in one minute. At first it is 5 goods per minute, which Albert chuckles is a cinch and easily does it to a light morning tune. The quota goes up to 8 per minute, and big band music starts playing, to which Albert says is a better tempo. The quota keeps increasing until it is up to 250 per minute and a sped-up version of the William Tell overture is played. The ants are seen working in rapid succession, and Albert remarks that the quota keeps going up, to which the guide replies "So it does; so it does". Albert wonders if they succeed at making the quota will they be given higher wages, to which the guide replies "No, the state gives you a medal". Albert wonders what happens if they fail to make the quota, and the guide perishes the thought of doing so. Albert is curious why there is a high quota and ultrafast machinery. When the guide says "I forget", he is decked by an ant soldier. The guide comes to and gives a pumped fist salute "For the good of the state!" and is hauled away. Albert demands his friend be freed but the soldier decks him and says "Get back to work". Albert realizes that the ant colony is political slavery, where everyone is property of the state. He threatens to unionize for real, but another solider grabs him. Albert wonders where is going and the soldier replies sarcastically "To the Minister of Justice, to get your justice".

Albert is brought before the planning board, where he only gets to speak a few words of protest before being silenced. One of the members is clueless and aghast at what to do, as they have not had a complainer in ages. Another member says "Just follow the stars, old chum", causing the first member to raise his chair to a telescope and observe the cosmos. He claims it is "most regretable" what he sees and the next scene is of Albert in chains. Several ant soldiers have their rifles pointed at Albert, who says a man cannot be executed without due process, finally yelling, "Call a lawyer! Call an exterminator! Help!" as he is killed by a firing squad.

Albert suddenly finds himself back in the human world, his entire experience in Antrolia a nightmare. Listening in on the radio of the car he was working on, the commenntator remarks how America must solve their problems of income inequality and poverty through "state-run planning boards of only the most qualified people". Albert runs off, then rumbling sounds are heard on the air. Albert has stormed the radio station and knocked out the commenntator. Hijacking the airwaves, he warns all listeners "That guy was off his rocker! Let me give the true story about those ants." The cartoon ends with Albert giving caution to the dangers of a command economy.